【最后的12章之12】 面对死亡

野田:

首先谢谢大家阅读最后12章的信件,不知不觉中已到了最后。希望大家在这章结束后,也会继续支持“给生命第二次机会”这运动。

最后一篇,你要我讲讲死囚面临死亡时的感受。

首先,我觉得,死刑存在的意义不是报复,而是让犯人了解,让他诚实面对自己所犯下的罪行的一种方式。就我来说吧,我其实是感恩我被捉,因为这让我了解生命的意义是什么,它让我坚强。我记得我说过,以前的我,没有真正的活过。

前几天,我的律师来探望我,他说过几天就会把我最后的特赦申请信交到总统府去了。

很多死囚在执行死刑的前一晚没有机会和家人说一声再见,除了悲伤,根本就是没有心情做任何的事情。其实,很多死囚在被带出牢房的那一刻,都会禁不住的大闹大哭,再多的辅导也没有用,因为这一走,是没有回头了。是一个生命永远的不在了。这时,最痛苦的是家人,我根本不敢想像家人在外头,无助,焦急,彷徨。。。等待。等待一个冰冷的,没有生命的身体。

而对我来说,若明日是我生命中的最后一晚,我也没有其他的选择,只有黯然面对;毕竟错的是自己,我会忏悔。

你问,我会不会腿软。我真的不知道。但我想我不会,因为面对生死,我已经开始熟悉了;别忘记,在这短短的4年,我已“死”过好多次了,2007年被捉,佛祖救了我让我重生;2009年被判死刑,在行刑前律师拉维向法庭申请暂缓。我能够活到今天,一切所属幸运。

我也不奢求最后晚餐即将是个如何丰盛的一餐,我想我会照旧早上起来祈祷念经,静坐深思,素食早餐,直到夜晚的到来,穿上妹妹买给我最好看的衣服,跟其他狱友说声再见,然后再诚心向地藏菩萨叩头感谢。

但我没有办法用文字表达那种心情。我也不知道走向断头台的时候会是什么心情。我想没有人会知道吧。

听闻学修觉法,佛祖的传承,就是帮助、拥护、劝导、提醒、鼓励等等,一切正在受苦众生,迷惑众生,有国难终生,有烦恼众生,无知与无智众生,不知自控的众生等等,这些众生所受的我曾经经受,因有伟大觉者佛祖的传承众生(学者或觉者)的教导,所以我解脱很多,很自在!

也感恩社会大众能原谅我,能够活到今天已经是我最大的福分了。

我想我的家人已经接受了我,将来的情况是个怎样的结果,我觉得家人都能够接受了;他们对我的改变,对我的蜕变感到欣慰;加上在我死之前可以读读佛经,认识佛教;我的改变也改善了家人之间的关系,尤其兄弟姐妹间的感情。

只是有点担心,母亲终究会知道我已经不在的。

最后的一篇,我就以这简短的文字,写出我的感受。

我再次感谢你们,没有你们我不能够把我的故事一一道出。

感恩,我在这里替大家祈佛,愿大家健康平安喜乐!祝福你们。

伟光

English Translation:  “Facing Death”

Firstly, I would like to thank everyone for reading this last letter. Time passes so quickly that this is already the last letter. I hope that when you have finished this last letter, you will still continue to support “Second Chances “Campaign.

For this last letter, I would like to talk about how I feel about facing death.

Firstly, I feel that the existence of the death penalty is not for the sake of retribution, but rather a method to allow the offender to understand and really face the mistake he has committed. Take me for an example, I am actually grateful that I was caught, because it has allowed me to understand the true meaning and purpose of life, and has allowed me to find strength within myself. I remembered I once mentioned about how the “me” before I was caught has never truly lived before.

A few days ago, my lawyer came to visit me. He told me that he will send the final appeal to the president a few days later.

On the night before the death sentence is carried out, many death row inmates have no chance to say goodbye to their families. For most of them, they are not in the mood of doing anything else other than feeling hurt and pain on the night before their sentence. Actually for most of these death row inmates, at the moment they are brought out of their room, they are unable to control their emotions, and they start to cry out loud. No amount of counseling are able to help them because once they step out of their jail room, there is no turning back, and they will be gone forever.  At this point of time, those who feel the most pain are their families. I do not dare to imagine how the family would feels when they are waiting outside to collect the cold and lifeless body of their family member.

For me, if tomorrow is my last night, I do not have a choice either, i just have to face the fact . After all , I was the one who made a mistake and I have repented.

You ask me if I would feel frightened, I really don’t know. But i think I may not be , because I have been starting to feel familiar with how it feels to face death, don’t forgot that in this short four years, I have brushed past death many times. I have “Died” many times. In 2007 when I was caught, practicing Buddhism has allowed me to “reborn”, in 2009 when I was sentenced to death, my  lawyer helped me to appeal against my sentence.  To be able to live until today is really because of luck.

I do not request for my last dinner to be anything near sumptuous, I think I will follow my regular routine of waking up in the morning to chant my scripts and meditate, followed by my vegetarian breakfast until night falls, put on the best clothes which my sister has bought for me, say goodbye to the rest of the inmates, kowtow to the Goddess to show my appreciation and thanks.

But I am really unable to express that kind of feeling and I really don’t know how I will feel when I walk closer toward the noose, I guess no one really will know.

Having listen to Buddhist scripts and Buddha teaching is a form of help, guidance, advice and encouragement. I have been through stages where I felt lost,  ignorant and  was suffering but because of my practice of Buddhism, it has allowed me to free myself.

I am also grateful that members of society are willing to forgive me, being able to live until today is my greatest fortune.

I think that my family has already accepted me, and also accepted whatever outcome it may be. They take comfort in the fact that I have turned over a new leaf, and that I have continued reading and practicing Buddhism.  It has also improved the relationship between my familY, especially amongst my siblings.

But I still worry sometimes that my mother will come to know that I am no longer around.

For this last letter, I wrote a short letter to express how I feel.

I would like to thank all of you once more, because I will not be able to share my story without your help. I will pray for you guys and I wish you health and happiness.

Vui Kong

About givelife2ndchance

Give Life 2nd Chance is a movement dedicated to work on abolish death penalty in Malaysia.
This entry was posted in The Last 12 Chapters, Vui Kong Letter. Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to 【最后的12章之12】 面对死亡

  1. William Wu Xin Ware says:

    NA MO KWAN SHI YIN PUSA. METTA.

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